Socialites Without Borders Teach Rwandans How To Mingle (Oh my...)

 In an effort to provide relief to a people devastated
by civil war, genocide, and poverty, members
of the humanitarian aid group Socialites Without
Borders spent several hours this week
teaching destitute Rwandans how to mingle.

Volunteers are hopeful future

generations may one day know how to properly lift a champagne flute. (?)

"These poor souls, there's so much we

can do to help to them," said Tinsley Rothschild,

an event planner for the non-profit organization,

while surveying the country's bleak

and arid landscape.(Hard to believe) 

"Just look around, there's nothing

here: no hors d'oeuvres, no towering

ice sculptures, nothing.

Nobody should have to live like this."

"I bet most of these people have

never even seen a Bellini, let alone know

how to sip one," Rothschild continued.

"Unless we do something fast,

these men and women stand

no chance of surviving

a high-society dinner party."

Arriving on private jets from

their headquarters in Martha's Vineyard,

volunteers from Socialites Without Borders

touched down in northern Rwanda

early Sunday morning.

Following an extravagant luncheon held

in their honor, the charitable luminaries

were driven by limousine to a nearby

refugee camp, where they provided

impoverished villagers with emergency

lessons in everything from making small talk,

to name-dropping, to drastically improving

one's life by marrying a wealthy steel magnate.

"Always remember to keep things light

and breezy when mingling,"

Danielle Watters, a real estate heiress,

was overheard advising a group

of war-ravaged amputees. "

Talk about where you recently summered,

or what boarding school you went to.

When you feel at a loss for words,

perhaps try remarking on the stunning

architecture of the tent you're in."

Ordinary Rwandans have been urged to put aside any latent tribal hostility and never forget to place water goblets to the left of red wine glasses.

While the outreach program stresses

the fundamentals of being a warm

and friendly host, the socialites were

reportedly concerned when several

Rwandan villagers failed to make eye contact,

exchange pleasantries, or

offer flattering compliments

when prompted.

More disturbing was the apparent lack

of effort shown by many of the emaciated

citizens to appear fascinated

by the conversations going on around them.

"What I witnessed was appalling," said

Adelina Thornton, an accomplished equestrian,

who was moved to tears by the sight

of a young orphaned child dressed

in horizontal stripes.

"Not a single person expressed

any interest whatsoever in how long

our estate has been in the family."

Added Thornton, "The people here

are even worse off

than we could have imagined."

Despite initial concerns, volunteers reported

that some progress was made

by Monday afternoon, with many pointing

to the look of elation and joy on the faces

of several men and women moments

after being shown the proper way

to hold stemware.

In addition, the fact that many Rwandans

seemed to already know how

to speak French seemed promising, if nothing else.

Still, sources said, the work ahead

of them was astronomical.

"That is not how we eat a deviled egg,"

said volunteer Yvonne Chantecaille,

playfully knocking the protein-rich

appetizer from an elderly villager's hand.

"We do not gobble it up.

We savior the complexity of flavor

profiles, and leave the garnish around it alone."

"Also, we do not bring up how

a senseless genocide ravaged our family,

leaving scores of dead as far

as the eye can see,"

Chantecaille added.

"Not even over dessert."

Due to Rwanda's widespread unemployment

and limited access to basic necessities

such as food and clean water,

Socialites Without Borders made it

their top priority to rebuild

the nation's confidence.

The volunteers reportedly boosted

the self-esteem of poor Rwandan

farmers by referring to them

as "organic agriculture tycoons,"

while women suffering from Hepatitis A

were touched up with

foundation to conceal their jaundiced appearance.

"See—all better now," said Roberta Furlein,

wife of steel magnate Michael Furlein,

applying makeup to the face

of a sickly Rwandan woman.

"A little bit of color was all you needed."

Furlein, who has donated more

than $20 million to improve living accommodations

for Columbia University students,

blamed the sub-Saharan nation's education

system and illiteracy rate for

many of its current problems.

"Reading is so important

to bettering yourself," Furlein said.

"No one here seems to ever look

at New York Times style section,

or even Vogue for that matter."

Added Furlein, "It's scary,
but I don't think people here even
knew who we were.

Link here

             J-L K.
Procurement Consultant
Gsm:    (250) (0) 78-847-0205 (Mtn Rwanda)
Gsm:    (250) (0) 75-079-9819 (Rwandatel)
Home:  (250) (0) 25-510-4140
    P.O. Box 3867
  Kigali - RWANDA
    East AFRICA
Blog: http://cepgl.blogspot.com
Skype ID: kayisa66

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